“Babuji ne kaha gaon chhod do, sab kuch chhod do. Par babuji yeh nahin kaha ki khud ko chhod do!” — from Swades (2004)
Success. A word so deeply embedded in South Asian culture that it practically has its own aadhaar card. For generations, success has been synonymous with a few select professions—doctor, engineer, computer science or if you’re a true rebel, an MBA. Anything else? Beta, yeh kya bakwaas hai?
As a South Asian therapist, I see firsthand the pressures our teens face. The unrelenting need to be perfect, to uphold family honor, and to pursue “stable” careers. But let’s be honest—while these old ways came from a place of love and survival, they often create more stress than success. It’s time we redefine what success really means for our children.
The Old-School Success Narrative
Let’s take a moment to appreciate our parents. They left their homeland, worked tirelessly, and wanted nothing but the best for us. Their formula for success was simple: study hard, get a “real” job, and buy a house before turning 30. Bonus points if you marry someone they approve of.
This model worked in their time, but it doesn’t account for the realities of today’s world. The job market has changed, mental health matters, and guess what? Being rich and miserable is still being miserable.
Cultural Problems That Keep This Cycle Going
1. “Log Kya Kahenge?” Syndrome
The fear of “what will people say?” is practically a South Asian family member. Every decision—college major, career, even hobbies—must pass the “log kya kahenge” test.
Your teen wants to be a writer? A musician? A psychologist (like me)? “Beta, yeh sab thodi na career hai! Yeh toh timepass hai!”
Here’s the truth: success is personal. The neighbors won’t pay your child’s bills or bring them happiness. Their opinions hold as much weight as an expired train ticket.
2. Comparing Kids Like We Compare Mango Prices
“Sharmaji ka beta Stanford chala gaya. Tum kahan ja rahe ho?”
This constant comparison kills self-esteem and confidence. Every child has their own strengths, but when we measure them against others, we ignore their unique potential. Instead of asking, “Why aren’t you like them?” ask, “What makes you happy?”
3. The Obsession with Stability
Many South Asian parents still equate stability with happiness—like choosing engineering over a passion for art or dance, chasing wealth even if it doesn’t bring joy, or living a life that looks “secure” just to please parents or meet social expectations. But today, stability looks very different. There are millionaires on YouTube, thriving freelancers, and successful artists making a living doing what they love. The world has changed, and success no longer fits into the narrow boxes we once believed in.
Redefining Success: A New Narrative
1. Success = Joy + Purpose
What if we defined success as living a fulfilling life? A life that allows your child to grow, contribute, and feel content?
Encourage your teen to explore. Maybe they won’t become a doctor, but they might build a healthcare app. Maybe they won’t be an engineer, but they’ll design the next big video game. Or they might love the idea of having a regular 9-5 stable job and having the ability to invest in some activity that makes them happy. What matters is the individual being happy. Let’s allow them to craft careers that excite them, rather than force them into ones they’ll resent.
2. Prioritize Mental Health Over Prestige
One of the biggest causes of burnout in South Asian teens is academic pressure. We glorify suffering for success—“Beta, raat raat bhar padhai karo, tabhi kuch banoge.” But we forget that it’s not one size fits all situation. Some individuals thrive studying at night while others enjoy the early hours of the day. Its individual preferences.
But what if we glorified well-being instead? Research shows that emotional intelligence and resilience are greater predictors of success than grades alone. If your teen is struggling, don’t dismiss their stress—support them.
3. Communication Over Commands
Instead of saying, “You have to be a doctor,” try, “What excites you? What do you love doing?”
Teens today need guidance, not dictatorship. When they feel heard, they’re more likely to share their fears and ambitions openly. Parenting goes from giving commands to being a consultant to our children. So let’s communicate where our fears are coming from, be vulnerable so the children can be more authentic with self and in their lives. This reduces the burden of disappointment that children often feel when they are not acknowledged by their parents.
How to Support Your Child’s Success in 2025
- Encourage Exploration
Let your teen try different activities. Internships, creative pursuits, side hustles—these experiences help them find their path. - Talk About Mental Health
Let them know that struggling is okay. Therapy isn’t just for crises; it’s for growth. The more we normalize mental well-being, the more resilient they’ll be. - Define Family Success Together
What does success mean to your family? Is it financial security? Happiness? A balance of both? Having these conversations helps create a shared vision. - Bollywood Wisdom: Apply It Where Needed
Remember Rancho from 3 Idiots?
“Bachcha kabil bano, kamyabi toh jhak maar ke piche aayegi.”
(Translation: Help your child become capable, and success will follow.)
Final Thoughts
As a therapist, I often hear from teens who feel like they’re living their lives for their parents, not for themselves. They want to make them proud, but they also want to be happy. The best thing we can do is show them that pride and happiness can go hand in hand.
Our culture is built on values of hard work, resilience, and family support. Let’s channel those values into creating a future where our children feel safe pursuing their own dreams. Instead of forcing them to follow an outdated definition of success, let’s redefine it together—one that includes happiness, mental health, and personal fulfillment.
And next time a relative asks, “Beta, kya kar rahe ho zindagi mein?” you can smile and say, “Apni kahani likh raha hoon, aur yeh blockbuster hogi!” Because the best stories aren’t written by pressure—they’re written with passion, courage, and a little bit of Bollywood magic.
Disclaimer: At Rcoz, we encourage people to seek help sooner. While Therapy is one way—we recognize that healing can take many forms.
If this article made you smile (or made you rethink success), share it with a fellow parent! And if your teen needs support, therapy is always an option—no log kya kahenge required.
Runjhun Pandit, LPCC (Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor) is a multi-lingual licensed mental health therapist, offering virtual care to South Asian individuals throughout California and Washington. Runjhun specializes in postpartum mental health, body image concerns, parent support and new mom support group.
www.wellbeingden.com. contact@wellbeingden.com
